It's February....again....

I do not like this month. I used to. But not anymore. There is good reason for not liking this month anymore however. It's Mom's birthday and the anniversary of her passing. Sucks. It is another testament that life is not fair. I really would like to fight for that though. Life should be fair and everything should work out the way we would like it to! But obviously that is not the case. I try to accept it and move on, but I can't seem to. I still want to turn back time and make different decisions and make my Mom make different decisions in hopes that now would be different and I would still have her here. But I guess who is to say that she would still be here even if we changed the decisions we made. I am pretty sure she would have just been taken from us in a different way. I guess when your time is up, it is up. Again, not fair. I think about what happens when we die and what is waiting for us on the other side. I am sure our loved ones are there waiting, which makes dieing not a bad thing. Which I am sure that some may think I am crazy and a little sick when I say I am ready for that day. I am not suicidal, please don't think that, I would never do anything to take my own life, I am just not afraid of death or dieing. I would be sad for my kids and my husband and other family and friends that I left behind, because I do know how bad that hurts to be left behind, but I will not be sad or scared for myself. Life is hard, it is beautiful at times, but it is hard. A struggle, and it is NOT fair in any way, shape, or form. So death is just our way of beating life and it's unfairness!! Ha, life, take that!!! hahahahahaha! Okay, now I am talking crazy!!! I hope not too many people read this post. It was just some rambling thoughts that I needed to get out there!!! February sucks and that is that!!! I guess I will go stick my head in the sand like an ostrich and wait for it to be over and then I will come out again!!!